Let’s Play Nostalgic Super Famicom Games

・Streaming / Download on MEGA: Let’s Play Nostalgic Super Famicom Games
・Streaming on VK: Let’s Play Nostalgic Super Famicom Games

Today’s episode has been typesetted by the incredibly talented Kedomas, and so first things first, huge shoutout to his excellent typeset (which I probably kind of screwed up while encoding)! Also thanks to huh009 for helping me dealing with some encoding issues, I’ve finally fixed that weird aspect ratio problem from last episodes, which I hope won’t occur ever again.
We had the Nostalgic Arcade Games episode few weeks ago, and now it’s time for yet another nostalgic games episode, this time it’s super famicom games!
You can tell Matsumoto and Hosei are genuinely passionate about retrogames, and I really enjoyed the contrast between them and Hamada, Endo and Tanaka who barely even know what the hell they’re doing here. Classic Gaki.

Notes:

– This episode is part of a longer series, if I’m not wrong this should be the third episode. I haven’t subbed the previous episodes, but you can find them online pretty easily, subbed by other translators / teams.
– At 1:46 Hosei refers to an old anime, First Human Giatrus to compare it with Wagyan Land (or “Wagan”). In this game, you shout a sound, “WA”, which in katakana is represented with the symbol “ワ”, which turns to stone and becomes a platform for few seconds. There’s a similar thing going on in the opening sequence of First HUman Giatrus anime, in which the protagonist shouts “gya” and the sounds – typed in katakana – turns into stone. Here’s a clip.

Thanks again to Kedomas‘s incredible typeset, and to huh009‘s help. I’m so happy to see how fellow gaki fans have been working with me to brought everyone new content, it’s unbelievable. I’m so glad and I’m really thankful to all of you.
I hope there’ll be new subbed content for you soon, in the meanwhile don’t forget to look around this website: you could be missing some gems!

Info:

episode #1276, aired 2015/11/06

Kiki Mentsuyu

・Streaming / Download on MEGA: Kiki Mentsuyu
・Streaming on VK: Kiki Mentsuyu

First of all, I wanted to thank to Mattee53 for his typeset. This episode wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him, so thank you so much!
Second, I suck so bad at rendering and such, and I know this resolution isn’t the best. Couldn’t do much about it and didn’t bothered tbh, but you can always download any .ass file from any episode in the softsubs page.
That being said, today’s episode is the latest Kiki challenge, and pretty much like last week’s Absolutely Tasty, this feels like a milestone too. I’m so glad I could add this to my (our) collection, and it’s all thanks to great guys like Mattee53 and everyone else who’s been supporting me.
This episode is full of surprises and uncalled-for events. Not gonna spoil anything about it, but I’m gonna leave here few notes as usual.

Notes:

– On-screen texts haven’t been translated when they show the same things said by the narrator. Also, top right text is this episode’s name as said by Hamada in the beginning, top left is Gaki no Tsukai’s logo. Of course.
– At 7:14, Matsumoto says “It’s not a good thing to lie, I thought Yoshimoto employees learned that last summer”, and he’s referring to the scandal involving Miyasako and other Yoshimoto comedians which happened around July 2019. Here’s an article about it.
– 09:44 untranslated on-screen text: “producers dance – Komurasaki Kozo and Goda Ichiro”. The song playing as they show up is TKGしか愛せない, from Nurarihyon no Mago.
– This episode features lots of japanese cuisine related words, such as “tsuyu” (or “mentsuyu”, a broth base) itself and “somen” (a type noodles), and even more specific recipes. An example of this is 10:54, when Hamada says “tenzaru soba”, which is basically a variety of tsuyu-based chilled noodles, typical of Summer. Another example is the ago-dashi, a variety of soup used often as tsuyu. There’s also a joke (as seen onscreen), when Matsumoto says sorry to Tanaka at 20:44 for looking at him while saying “ago”, a word which also means “chin” (as in Tanaka’s long chin).
– 15:25 – Not sure if it’s clear enough in my subs, they’re getting angry at Endo because he’s wasting time tasting tsuyus which are undoubtedly far from the one he’s supposed to find out. The shiitake (a type of japanese mushroom) flavored one and the soy milk flavored one are the most peculiar between the 10 types, and Endo still chooses to taste them anyway.
– 17:59 – Yoshiyuki Tsubokura is one of the host for the TV show Hirunandesu, in which Endo is a recurring cast member. They often do food reports together.

Again, thanks to Mattee53 for typesetting this episode and for each one of you for the constant feedback and support. Stay tuned on my social media pages for news on new content, hopefully coming soon enough.
Have a nice day and stay safe!

Info:

episode #1473, aired 2019/09/22

Absolutely Tasty Tapioca

・Streaming / Download on MEGA: Absolutely Tasty – Tapioca
・Streaming on VK: Absolutely Tasty – Tapioca

Again, this episode wouldn’t be online if it wasn’t for RIDDELL‘s amazing typeset (& QC!). So before anything else, here’s yet another huge THANK YOU for your work!
Today’s episode is the latest one from the popular Absolutely Tasty series, which is (together with Limits, Silent Library and Kiki) one of the first Gaki no Tsukai series I discovered back then in twothousand… something I don’t remember I don’t even know what year am I in right now to be honest (I think I’m still in 2016, mentally speaking).
Anyway, it’s an absolute (pun intended?) honor to translate an episode from this series, it feels like a milestone for this website and I’m proud of its result.
What’s tapioca? Boring answer is “a starch extracted from the storage roots of the cassava plant” (wikipedia), fun answer is “those shiny balls drowned inside cold tea”. Here in Italy, there’s always been “tapioca” around in stores, and we call it “bubble tea”. Last year there has been a huge boom of “tapioca” (they use this term to refer to “bubble tea”, not the starch itself) in Japan, and I hated the hell out of it (I lived in Japan right in the middle of it).
What can our beloved Gaki members create with the tapioca pearls? Something edible? Some weird horror movie creature? Some fun theme park attraction? Watch this episode and find it out! And if you have time, I suggest you to read the following

Notes:

– First off, I only translated some of the on-screen boxes, only those which add important info not said by the narrator. Untranslated ones are 85% same as narrator voice and 15% description of what you’re looking at (ex. “X adds the tapioca inside the frying pan” etc.). I also added few upper notes to quickly explain few dishes / names of food as they’re displayed / refered to.
– 1:09 Matsumoto says the verb “tapiru”, which is (god I hate this so much) the way young people in Japan refers to “drinking tapioca”. They made a verb out of it. 腹立つわぁー。
– 1:30 Hirunandesu is a variety show running since 2011 on NTV, with Endo Shozo as one of the regular cast members; it focuses on popular places, fashion and reviews.
– 10:33 Yamazaki is talking about the “texture (shokkan) of the buns”, but then he gets confused and says “shoppan” instead, which is a shortened phrasing of the word “shoku-pan”, meaning “bread”.
– 13:07 Chad Mullane is a australian-born comedian who got really popular in Japan. Don’t know what Matsumoto is refering too, could be a recurring gag of him, some personal experience or just a joke. Wikipedia’s entry.
– 14:29 Matsumoto is refering to the tabletop game “Bellz“, which they played on the latest Let’s Play With Tabletop Games From Around The World series episode (which has been subbed by someone else).
– 21:40 “Sworn enemies, same boat” (呉越同舟) is a yoji-jukugo (4 kanji compound) sentence in japanese. Those are always hard to translate in other languages, but the meaning is pretty much that. It’s used to refer a situation in which two things which are in conflict between them are forced to be together in a same environment / situation.
– As explained on an inside note, the last “dish” Matsumoto prepares is a variant of the popular nagashi-somen way of eating noodles. Read more on this article by japan experience.

And that’s it for today, I hope you enjoyed this episode! I hope there’ll be more episode in the future, but I also hope the outside world returns normal soon. Those things could be… 呉越同舟, you know. But still, we’ll catch up soon. Smash that mofo like button on FB page or follow me on twitter so you won’t miss any update! Stay safe, stay absolutely tasty.

Info:

episode #1489, aired 2020/01/19

Limits – Omurice (ft. Tofupanda Fansubs)

・Stream it now on tofupanda’s website: Limits – Omurice

I just love this series. Ohh boy.
It was a pleasure to work with Tofupanda fansubs as usual, I enjoyed working on Monster House and I can guarantee there’s still more to come in the future.
Otviss from tofupanda worked on its typeset some time ago, and we decided to team up and finish this project just few weeks ago. And here it is!
I can’t get enough of this series, really. It’s a shame they’re not doing it anymore, it’s one of my most favorite gaki series ever, not gonna lie. Omurice’s episode is a bit different than its previous ones, and I must say, I really liked the new set of rules they made.
Let me leave few notes here so we can call it a day. Huge shoutout to Tofupanda Fansub for making this subbed episode possible. Have a nice day and stay safe!

Extra notes:

– At 2:37, Matsumoto says “The bubble did burst”, refering to the japanese asset price bubble burst which had a big impact on Japan’s early 90s economy.
– 17:33 – couldn’t find a short translation to fit the subs for “sansai”, but it literally means “mountain vegetables”.
– There are few mistakes on some of Suga’s prices, as user Gao Dan made me notice. At 15:37 I mistakenly translated 10-man in 1 million yen instead of 100’000 yen (as it normally appears in 15:41). I also did the same with 30-man at 15:16, which is actually 300’000 yen, not 3 millions. Sorry for the mistake, I’m really bad at math and numbers overall.
– You can find every other “limits” series episode subbed online; between them, Limits – Cutlet Curry and Limits – Cold Noodles are available here on this wordpress!

Info:

episode #683, aired 2003/11/16

Let’s Play Nostalgic Arcade Games

・Streaming / Download on MEGA: Let’s Play Nostalgic Arcade Games
・Streaming on VK: Let’s Play Nostalgic Arcade Games

Once again, let’s start this post with a big shoutout to RIDDELL for typesetting / quality checking both episodes. Both? Why “both”? Because you’ll find more if you keep on reading, but let’s go step by step.
This episode has always been one of the most sub-requested episode ever in the Gaki community, and I can see why. I really enjoyed working on this episode, not only because of course I enjoy see a bunch of middle aged men being awful at playing games, but also because I got to see what an early 80s japanese game center used to look like, and that’s great.
Without further ado, I’ll leave few notes about the episode, but it’s not over yet: keep scrolling and you’ll find a subbed extra footage from the same episode as well!

Notes:

– I left “Arcade Games” even if the word “arcade” itself can be confusing, most people would think of videogames. They actually call them “gee-sen geemu”, japanglish word for “game center games”.
– When they’re playing the Shinkansen Game, there are few words written on the board. They are names of places between the Kanto and the Kansai region, which represent the route of the Shinkansen (bullet train). That’s why they are refering to name of places as they play (Himeji castle, Okayama…).
– As you may probably know, lots of japanese candies have a lottery system inside. For example, the GariGari-kun popsicle‘s stick can have the word “ATARI” (“you win”) inside. If you’re lucky enough to get one, you can bring back that stick to the place where you bought it and you’ll receive one more for free. The same happens to Endo’s candy at 12:50.
– Lastly, here’s the list of the requested songs (with youtube link) + their boxes’ missing translations (again, thanks to RIDDELL for his help!):
・Song #1: Brave Raideen Opening Theme. Box text translation: “Brave Raideen by Masato Shimon. It’s the opening theme for the TV anime Brave Raideen, broadcasted from 1975 to 1976″.
・Song #2: Mineko Nishikawa – Anata ni Ageru (Giving Myself To You). Box text translation: “Released in 1974, this song once went to position #1 on the Oricon Chart, and it’s ranked number 35 on the overall top 100 Oricon songs”.
・Song #3: Junko Yagami – Mizuiro no Ame (Aqua blue rain). Box text translation: “Released in 1978, this song sold over 600’000 copies”. It also won the 11th Nihon Yusen Taisho for music”. | personal note: I really really like this song.
・Song #4: Johnny – James Dean no you ni (Just like James Dean). Box text translation: “Released in 1981, its record is #3 on the Oricon Chart. It’s the debut single for Yokohama Ginbae’s guitarist Johnny”.
・Song #5: Aladdin – Kanzen Muketsu no Rock’n’roller (Perfect, flawless Rock’n’roller. Box text translation: “Released in 1981, it’s the debut single of Aladdin”.

Let’s save a final comment for later, because it’s time for…

Let’s Play Nostalgic Arcade Games – EXTRA FOOTAGE

・Streaming / Download on MEGA: Let’s Play Nostalgic Arcade Games – Extra Footage
・Streaming on VK: Let’s Play Nostalgic Arcade Games – Extra Footage

And here’s the extra footage for this episode, making the whole thing over 30 minutes long! Isn’t that great? Of course, our man RIDDELL typesetted this one too, and I’ll never get tired of saying thanks to him and his efforts.
Pretty much nothing to add here, we get to see some more games, more bloopers and more accidental injuries.
Hope you enjoyed today’s episodes, and I hope I can sub more stuff while the world is still under lockdown. It’s not much, but as long as my subs can make you laugh and forget for 20 minutes about the chaos outside (and inside?), it makes me happy. Oh, and by the way, thanks for all you kind words and everything else. I always read comments, but I rarely reply (sorry for that). But I really DO read them all, and I appreciate your support so much. Just wanted to let you know.
Stay safe, we’ll – hopefully – catch up soon!

Info:

episode #1183, aired 2013/12/08

Limits – “Cold Noodles” (Hiyashi-Chuuka)

・Streaming / Download on MEGA: Limits – Hiyashi-Chuuka (Cold Noodles)
・Streaming on VK: Limits – Hiyashi-Chuuka (Cold Noodles)

Genkai (Limits) series is one of my all time favorites Gaki no Tsukai series, mostly because even before actually knowing about it, I used to dare my friends to order things up in cafés and restaurants by saying something different but similar-sounding; pretty much the same deal. Good times. Maybe that’s why I enjoy this series so much. Anyway, this episode is pretty damn old. It’s the second episode ever from the series (right after Ice Coffee), and there’s still no Cocorico in the main cast. It’s also my second “Limits” series translation, first one being Limits – Cutlet Curry, which is also my very first translated episode since I’ve decided to open this website, back in September 2016 (though I already translated other stuff before).
While it’s a short episode, it’s never easy to translate / adapt play on words from japanese, I tried my best and decided to use a japanese technique for it (read more in the notes).
I’m not currently working on a new episode right now, but giving the circumstances I may start working on something new pretty soon, so stay tuned for more to come (I guess?)!

Notes:

– Mantaining what they’re saying in japanese adds nothing to my translation, and replacing it with its english translation makes the final product awkward and ambiguous. That’s why I’ve decided to use a sort of furigana system for this translation: I’ve kept japanese words but I also wrote above them how to “read” them in english. I hope it’s not incredibly confusing, that’s the best thing I could think of to keep both the original words and their translation.
– Of course, some of their translations are a bit off mainly due having them perfectly adapted would result in overly long sentences. Most of the terms end with “ka”, which in japanese is used to express a question (and that’s why most of them have a question mark), others were adapted in a simpler way. Here’s the full translation of each term:
・”Hiyashi-Chuuka”: Cold Noodles or Chilled Noodles, or even Hiyashi-Chuuka is fine, being the name of the dish itself. “Chuuka” means “chinese (dish / cuisine)”, so when it occurs for example with “Miyashi (name) Chuuka”, it’s actually “Chinese Miyashi”. I kept “Noodles” merely because it would make more sense (it doesn’t make much sense in japanese too, anyway).
・”Higashi Nichuu Ka”: this one is a question (ends with “ka”). It could mean lots of things, or nothing whatsoever: don’t forget their main goal is to have sentences that sound similar, not necessarily sentences that make sense (see “he get sea check car“). Higashi = east, ni = 2, chuu = center/middle. “Second-center on east”? “Is that eastern central no.2”? “Central-second, eastside”? Who knows.
・”Chuuka Hiyashi-Hiyashi”: similar to “buta indo karameshi” in Limits – Cutlet Curry. Order changed, words doubled.
・”Hikkoshi shiyou ka”: another question. “Should I move away?” or “How about we move away?”, implying “to move” as in “to change home”.
・”Oyaji chau ka”: that’s a tricky one. Can mean lots of things, like “A dad?! Me?!” or “A dad?! You?!” etc.
・”Nenjuu mukyuu ka”: another question. Nenjuu means “throughout the whole year”, while mukyuu means “no holidays”, “nonstop”. If a japanese shop says “nenjuu mukyuu”, it means they’re opened 24/7 every day. That’s why the waiter replies that way to Yamazaki.

That’s all for now; there’s really not much I can do right now under the circumstances, so I think I’ll start looking for a new to-be-subbed episode soon enough. Until then, please stay safe and stay home.

Info:

episode #337, aired 1996/09/08

Bananaman Shitara’s Shichi-Henge

・Streaming / Download on MEGA: Bananaman Shitara’s Shichi-Henge
・Streaming on VK: Bananaman Shitara’s Shichi-Henge

It’s been a whilen’t. Two episodes in a row; crazy, isn’t it?
Well, not as crazy as the situation the entire world is facing right now. Covid-19 is spreading fast and – I don’t know about you – but here in Italy we’re all pretty much locked up in our homes. Some of us are singing on their balcony, others are doing in-house flashmobs. I never cared much about this kind of stuff and I’ve decided to use this free time to bring some more subbed Gaki to you. A laugh may help you (us) forget for a while about the chaos outside our windows.
Anyway, today’s episode has been typesetted by GakiDave, who already helped me typesetting its prequel, Bananaman Himura’s Shichi-Henge (go watch it now if you haven’t yet)!
Shichi-Henge is a series I hold dear, is one of the first Gaki series I ever watched and I translated a significant number of those. As I said in other occasions, I also like Bananaman a lot, they always seem to have a lot of fun while performing, and I really like that.
Shitara’s Shichi-Henge is already pretty infamous in the Gaki community because of that fan meeting scene which you’re going to find inside this episode. Hope you’ll enjoy today’s episode, and I hope everything will be okay! Sit back, relax and, while you’re at it, check out my complete translations list: maybe there’s still some subbed Gaki episode you haven’t watched yet!

Notes:

– I didn’t place the usual notes about on-screen texts. Like “meeting session” right after the opening, or “Shichi-Henge starts” when Shitara gets up, or “penalty” each time they laugh, or the usual note about how all the earned money are going to be devolved. I think you can all understand those even without subs, after all the shichi-henge episodes I’ve subbed so far.
– The zombie episode Matsumoto is refering to is 絶妙なタイミングでゾンビ登場 (“Perfectly timed zombie entrance”), which aired some time before Shitara’s Shichi-Henge. in this article, it is actually revealed that because of that experience, Matsumoto developed claustrophobia.

Again, thanks to GakiDave for his typeset / QC.
Next week there will be a new episode, one from the good ol’ 90s.
Remember: you can support my translation by making small donations on my ko-fi page, so I can afford hand sanitizer and toilet paper and disappear in my bunker forever.
Stay tuned next week for a new episode!

Info:

episode #1004, aired 2010/05/09

Burning Hot Tennis Lesson

・Streaming / Download on MEGA: Burning Hot Tennis Lesson
・Streaming on VK: Burning Hot Tennis Lesson

First off, let me say a huge THANK YOU to Riddell for typesetting this episode: without him it wouldn’t be online!
Secondly… it’s been a while, isn’t it? I know I can’t make promises anymore. I can’t promise new episodes, I can’t promise Isho, I can’t promise anything at all, really. Real life is happening and it’s getting complicated to keep promises when it comes to this subbing activity I’m doing. I do still enjoy it, so – to an extent – I’d like to keep it both as a private project and as a way to constantly practice my japanese (I finally got my N1 last December in Tokyo!). So expect more, but… just that.
Now, about today’s episode… it’s a weird one. But it’s not something you haven’t seen yet. Remember one of my first subbed episodes, The Anguish of Endo Shozo? You can say this is a sequel. I think there are even other episode about this gay-endo lore which I find both incredibly stupid and hilarious.
Today, our Gaki guys will learn how to play tennis, but one of them is going to learn so much more about himself and about the greatest mystery of the world: love.

Notes:

– Throughout the whole episode, when Endo is referring to himself or when the coach says his name during the daydream sequences, it says “Endo Shuuzo” and not “Endo Shozo”. This is most likely a reference to legendary japanese tennis player Shuzo Matsuoka, whose motivational videos are one of the biggest japanese internet memes.
– There are TONS of sexual innuendos and puns throughout the episodes, I tried my best to have them sound natural or at least decent in my translation. Few examples:
・Having the racket standing upright in japanese is “tataseru”, which is also the same verb you use to describe having an erection.
・When the coach is splashing water on his face, Endo says “bukkakeru”, which, contrary to popular belief, is a normal verb in japanese, and it simply means to splash (a liquid) all over yourself or something else. However, I choose to keep the infamously international word “bukkake” even on my translation, being an obvious sexual innuendo.
・”Toru” can both mean “to pick up” or “to take away” in japanese. That’s why when Yamazaki is telling the ball-boy to pick up the balls, Endo believes he’s talking about having his balls removed.
・”All-open” is the way japanese refers to the Australian Open, one of the biggest tennis tournament in the world. I kept “all” in my translation so it made more sense.
・Kei Nishikori is another famous japanese tennis player. “Mokkori” means “bulge”, that’s what Endo says right after (“Nishi Mokkori?”). I chose to adapt my pun in english instead.
– Just two notes about the costume talk section:
・Rin Ihara is Matsumoto’s wife.
・When he’s talking about Yamazaki’s six-month abstinence, it’s because he chose to become a rakugoka, and in order to do so you have to live with your master for some months and learn the arts as you do his chores (for real).
– And lastly, here’s the (semi-complete) list of songs you can hear throughout the episode (in order of appearance). Or you can check out this Youtube Playlist instead.

Once again, I’d like to say a huge thank you to Riddell, but also to every other fan who’s been sending me typesetted files / helping me uploading subbed content. I know I have my limits when it comes to written english (just look at this weird-ass sentence I just made), and I apprecciated his typeset just as much as I apprecciated his quality check, which helped me a lot.
I’m sure I can do a much better job by translating every upcoming episode in my mother tongue… but who’s going to be there to watch them? Thanks for bearing with my poor sentences and awkward lines. Really. Hope you can help me improve even more!
Thank you for watching, see you next episode(?)!

Info:

episode #1051, aired 2011/04/24

Hitoshi Matsumoto’s 遺書 (“Will”) – Chapter 13

<b>I’m a little bit hurt too when I make people laugh with this pubic lice story</b>

Oh shit! Holy shit! Recently, people around me have been telling me this thing, but now I’m slightly sensing the same thing myself… That’s right: my face is becoming “more gentle”! Come to think about it, this year I’ll turn 30. I’m clearly an old dude by now (I guess I’m outside the age where I can watch AV, am I~?).
All the other colleagues my age have already wives and kids. I guess that’s the obvious thing to do, being an human being. But even though it may be obvious for the rest of the world, to me it’s just a big problem. My ideal is to become an even more harsh, even more sharp venom-spitting comedian!
Last week I wrote how more people will come and try to meddle with you when you start to sell more and more, but I can’t deny how less poisonous you become with it too (I wonder if I set foot in that area myself?).
Once you start to sell, the first thing to wear off is your hunger. When I was a newcomer I didn’t have any money nor jobs, my agency (Yoshimoto) and my viewers treated me like a worm, and each time I got back home my parents and siblings looked at me the same way you look at pubic hairs, but I kept on doing it so one day I could tell everyone “look at what I am now”, and now that I’ve reached that goal in my life I find myself being grateful to all of this shit I’ve been through instead.
Even those who were cold to me before started to act differently once I started selling, and made a real fuss about it. All I could do myself was to become used to say “well, whatever” (maybe I’ve been too soft on them). And now that I think about it, the expression of my eyes has become gentler.
It’s becoming more difficult for me to speak ill of others on TV (expecially comedians). When I wasn’t that popular, I opened my mouth for everything, even for just being ignored.
Even if I’d speak ill of people I don’t know, the next time I have the chance to meet them again and talk to them, we end up exchanging few words in a peaceful and laughable way, and I can’t speak ill of them anymore. Even if I hated them before meeting them, it happens frequently that after getting to meet them I realize they’re not bad people at all, and the fact the opposite thing rarely happens anymore is making me worried.
The same applies to this weekly publishing. Everytime I meet several other comedians and they tell me “I’ve been reading your articles every week” my will to show em my bad attitude shrinks smaller and smaller.
There was this newcomer who once said on tv “Downtown are cowards because they try to make people laugh by speaking ill of others”, but that’s completely wrong. I want you all to understand the simple fact that speaking ill of someone to make people laugh requires technique & guts.
I’m not saying that’s all there is in comedy, but there are lots of gags which result in someone feeling hurt (including myself).
For example, if we make a joke about someone being bald during a skit, even if people would laugh at it, bald people would totally feel hurt by it. The same way, I felt a bit hurt too with all that pubic lice story.
For example, when you have to get back at someone with a tsukkomi line and you say like “who are you, Takagi Boo?!”, you don’t use honorifics. In cases like this, by adding “-san” or other honorifics you make the joke unfunny. But that may end up pissing off the person you’re talking about. In the end it doesn’t matter which path you choose to take, you’ll always be sorrounded by enemies. And if that’s the case, then so be it: let’s get sorrounded by enemies as much as we can!
I’ll spit my inner stingy venom to each one of you, you heard me! I’ll now let my pen down, hoping that starting from next year I’ll get the look in the eyes I had during my debut years back.

<b>Notes</b>
– Takagi Boo is a japanese comedian / musician (ukulele player). The context for this tsukkomi example Matsumoto gives could be either based off some quote or habit he often shows, or even his looks. At any rate, he’s older than Matsumoto, and adressing an older colleague without honorifics is considered really rude in Japan.

Hitoshi Matsumoto’s 遺書 (“Will”) – Chapter 12

About lices and the comedy which saved me when I was a kid

It’s been 12 years since I made my debut in the world of comedy.
I started selling good before I could even realize it, and I even became a star of some sort (of course that doesn’t mean I’m satisfied with my current conditions).
And the more I sell, the more people who want to step on me or get in my way start to appear.
Last time I wrote about the whole “pubic lice accident” and how I don’t care that much about neither unfounded rumors nor trying to stupidly deny what really happened.
I thought about it, and while the whole “pubic lice” thing is fine as it is, the “being forced to do something against your will” thing really got on my nerves. I have a family, just so you know. I have to make things clear expecially for them. First off, I’d love to have a press conference about how this kind of image can really become an hindrance to the definition of “comedian”.
“He hold me in his arms and slammed me over his bed!” (I don’t have a bed at home), “he offered me alcoholic drinks” (I don’t even drink, so of course I don’t have any at home).
I think those who saw “Focus” already know this, but that girl chose to show herself in photo (I’m so confused!).
If you are so proud to show your face on “Focus”, why couldn’t you just come here and meet me in person? That’s ‘cause what you’re talking about is 100% pure BS!
It’s ‘cause you’re a stinky smelly poopie head, that’s why!
I’ll tell you the truth, when I was a little kid I used to be a bully magnet. Back in kindergarten when we had these swimming pool activities hours, even if someone would steal my water gun, all I could do about it was to cry. I was such a frail kid I couldn’t even explain the reason for why I was crying when the teacher asked me about it. Even when I started going to primary school the situation didn’t change that much, I didn’t have a single male friend and all I did was playing with the other girls (to be honest I’m still like this to this very day).
Then there was this day, if I remember correctly it was during my second year in primary school, when my dad got some tickets for Kagetsu (Yoshimoto’s comedy theater) from the company he was working with (ar the time, my dad was doing some job where he could easily get his hands on tickets).
Manzai, rakugo, original Yoshimoto comedy… I started to go to Kagetsu and see such shows on a monthly basis with my family. By doing this, my eyes and my ears started to develop a good taste. It was different from TV because I could actually see the public’s live response to it, and my judgement as a child was like “I see, those guys really liked this joke, but I wonder how they’ll react to his next one”.
In my mind I was becoming a sort of comedy critic, so I slowly started to make gags on my own at school too. Maybe it could be because we lived in Kansai, but it seems like funny guys are really respected here, so before I could realize it no one was bullying me anymore, and the other kids started to gather around me more and more.
And so this and that happened, and I managed to completely change from a bullied kid into a completely new self. My family was poor, my grades were the worst and I wasn’t really cut up for sports; what really saved me was comedy alone.
If you’d take comedy away from me, I won’t have anything left. And I bet that even from now on and as long as I’ll be into the comedy business, this type of human-poop hybrids will surely try to get in my way and make me fall. But hey, do it moderately! ‘Cause if you’d take comedy away from me, I won’t know what to do with my life anymore!