Chapter 2. “Judge Chairman Giichi Fujimoto, please stop getting involved in comedy biz!”
Last time I wrote down some pretty arrogant stuff, so now I’ll keep the pace and write down even more of it, you motherfucker!
Sometimes when I watch TV I stumble upon those programs where they look back at comedians’ shows from the past.
They usually run old VTRs such as those of the late Sanpei Hayashiya and both comedians and tv hosts always say some lukewarm comments like “man, it’s still funny to this day” in a way which is not just irritating, is incredibly infuriating.
Of course, “Let’s change the channel~” is my solution in front of such things (to the relatives of the late Master Sanpei Hayashiya, just… calm down, ok?).
Comedy itself is something which gradually changes as it goes through eras, and I’m sure said person (from the afterlife) knows that too. What the tv host just said is not a compliment, it’s nothing at all to be fair, and if he’s actually being honest about it, then it means he’s just a poopy-headed guy who couldn’t care less about Sanpei Hayashiya’s golden age.
There are lots of idiots who tend to think of comedy as something like a nostalgic song, and that’s troubling.
I’d love to say them “Don’t you dare put comedy on the same level as songs or anything like that!”.
Back then during our debut, we were forced to take part in several rookie manzai artists contests (I think of those as the Japan Record Award, and we manage to get several prizes such as “best rookie award” or such, because of the still half-hearted talent we had.
By now that award doesn’t mean anything at all, but it really made us happy back then.
But hold on, I’m about to get mad at this.
So, after that, the host says “And now let’s have Downtown, our comedy duo who just won the best rookie award prize, to perform again their victory skit as a bonus for the audience! Please enjoy it to the fullest!”.
I’ll kill you.
There’s no way we can make them laugh with the same skit we just did.
Not to mention, an important part of comedy is to show how much you can do good when it comes to ad-lib (my cherished opinion), and I personally hate to perform the same thing twice, really, I’m sure my face would be red in shame if they made me repeat the exactly same thing I said before all over again for hours and hours.
And don’t even let me talk about female comedians awards, ‘cause that’s a real pain.
They always end up crying in the middle of their skits. And when they do, their families on the front seats start to shed tears too, and the rest of the audience who saw them starts to cry in sympathy, and then the host notices them and becomes teary-eyed as well…
“Ahh…” (no comment).
Let me tell it to you one more time. Don’t put music and comedy together! And to all the broadcasting stations in Osaka which are still running similar shows to this very day, please, stop immediately! And please, stop letting Judge Chairman Giichi Fujimoto get involved in this! You’re way lower than a rookie! Please stop getting involved in comedy biz.
Well, this time I wrote a lot, so one more thing: also stop broadcasting Downtown’s old VTRs as you please!
And the most important thing; when I’ll leave this world, don’t you dare have some TV host saying “man, it’s still funny to this day” or such, you bastards! I swear if you let that thing slip out from your tongue, I’ll appear beside your bed at night and perform that infamous sucky doctor skit right in front of you, you bastard!
– Sanpei Hayashiya used to be a famous japanese comedian, mainly known for his rakugo performances. He passed away in 1980.
– Shortly after his name appears, I wrote “irritating” and “infuriating”, but the whole sentence makes more sense in japanese, let me explain it to you. The original text says “ha no uku dokoro ka, ago goto sora ni tondeikisou” (歯の浮くどころか、アゴごと空に飛んでいきそう). “ha no uku dokoro” means “to have one’s teeth on the edge”, and it’s literally “make you teeth float”, in japanese. So he says, it’s not like this, but it’s more as if “my jaw is skyrocketing” (ago goto sora ni tondeikisou), making a pun out of his previous sentence. Or, to say in simple words, “i’m not angry, i’m furious”. Or the way I wrote it above, sort of.
– Wikipedia entry for Japan Record Awards.
– More info on Giichi Fujimoto. Matsumoto complains the fact that he shouldn’t be the judge of a comedy-related tv show, not being a comedian himself (he’s a writer / actor).